Night Sky Black
by bobbieyoung
Summary: She lets her eyes wander over the recent words she wrote down. If Brittany ever thinks back, too? Four months isn't that long.
1. Chapter 1

She drags the smoke down to her lungs with her eyes closed. She's done this too many times… it doesn't even hurt in her throat anymore. Not even a hint of a cough, she's simply too used to it.

It's scary in a way. That smoking does nothing to her anymore. At least that's what it feels like. Her lungs are probably as dark as a thundercloud after all the nicotine and tar she consumed in the past four months. She used to smoke cigars to make her voice sound sexy.

Now she smokes to numb and forget.

_With the night sky black and the tears dried_

_The words unspoken and the hearts broken_

_I think back to that one night_

_Where you and I said goodbye_

She lets her eyes wander over the recent words she wrote down. If Brittany ever thinks back, too?

Four months aren't that long.

_Cold air in my lungs, smoke in my breath_

_Not one word did I say, just the ache in my chest_

_All I could have done to make you mine_

_To see the laugh, make your face shine_

Her phone buzzes twice, letting her know someone texted her a short message. She doesn't want to hear about how Kurt's date went. It's too frustrating.

She's happy for him and that he forgave his high school sweetheart.

But she doesn't have hers anymore.

_Take me home, dancer_

_Take my heart_

_It can never survive another romance_

_Only yours, my heart is yours_

It doesn't even matter that Brittany's heart now belongs to Sam. How could she blame her? She basically encouraged her to date someone new.

She just didn't think it would happen. But then Blaine called her to give her a warning. "I think someting is going on between Britt and... trouty m-". She hung up at the immediate anger rising in her chest.

But it's her own fault after all.

_Nothing, not a single thing_

_That I wouldn't risk_

_I'd steal your heart away from him_

_My heart racing, a trembling fist_

If Sam takes her out dancing? It's what makes her happy the most. Dancing and cuddly evenings in bed.

She shouldn't think about them that often. They have moved on and did what felt right. To make the best of a crappy situation. That's how they found together. And apparently it was just what Brittany needed because she saw them together at the Christmas market, walking next to each other and laughing. Going back to Lima was the most stupid thing she ever did. Of course they would cross ways sooner or later and it was like a slap across the face.

Maybe they are making love right at this moment. If it's all sweet and gentle? What positions have they tried? Does she like it better with a man?

She can't remember Brittany ever mentioning she was missing something about their sex life.

But she really shouldn't picture it.

_Tired laughs, my fake enthusiasm_

_It was never meant to end this way_

_You are the one_

_Your dance, your move, your rhythm_

Her heart literally aches when she remembers those times Brittany danced for her. There's no one who can do it like her. She'll never get to watch her again. Not in that private and secret way that was only meant for her, in her bedroom.

But seriously… how is she supposed to get over someone like Brittany? Four months or four years – it'll always be the same.

She'll think of her on her birthday and regret that she can't kiss her at midnight. She'll think of her at Christmas and regret that she can't see her face when she opens her present.

She'll get an invitation for Brittany's wedding – because that's what's going to happen eventually – and she'll regret not being the one to wait down at the aisle.

She'll look at the picture of Brittany's baby, so cute and adorable, and she'll regret everything that happened between them ever since she gave up on their chance.

The phone buzzes again and she drops the pencil. Kurt!

Just as she expected there's a short message filled with happy smileys and hearts and rainbows. Her jaw drops down at the words she reads.

Blaine Warbler asked Kurt to marry him?

She wants to puke. How is this fair?

How is this a good idea? He freaking cheated on Kurt. Can you be that forgiving when you love someone?

It's not going to happen anyways. Getting married when you're still at high school is ridiculous.

But…

Maybe the promise counts. He got another chance and is taking it.

It probably _is_ fair after all. She'd like to get that chance, too.

Her heart stops beating when she opens the second message. It's an email.

From Brittany.

_I can't sleep anymore._

That's all it says.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about changing the rating back and forth.**

**This is the second (and last) part. Thank you for reading.**

* * *

It took her two damn days to answer.

Because what do you say to a message like that? _I can't sleep anymore…_

Brittany could have sent it to the wrong number and never meant to get back in touch with Santana. Still it got her hoping. And because she didn't know any better, she sent Brittany the poem she wrote that very same night Brittany texted her. It was sort of fate if you think about it.

She was never really good at communicating straight to the face or over the phone. Telling Brittany through songs had always been the easiest way for her and so she sent her the poem.

She's sitting in a park now with that poem in her hands, reading it over and over again. Was it too much? Should she not have sent it to Brittany?

_Cloudy days and you light them up_

_How could I ever stop?_

_The moon, the stars you are for me_

_I love you and I hope you'll see_

Of course it was too much. But you've got to play with open cards sometimes, right?

Only that way Brittany would find out that Santana could never be ready for someone else and that she wanted her back in her life.

At first Kurt yelled at her when he heard what she did. He said that it was unfair to burst back into Brittany's life like this after she had obviously been moving on. Then he realized that Brittany had made the first step and everything looked different. He did a happy dance over skype.

It's funny how well she gets along with him now. He was in Lima, too around Christmas and they ended up going to the movies and get drunk in a pub afterwards. They cried about their lost loves and how much they wished they could make things unhappen or turn back time.

Kurt was lucky… although she's still not sure whether being engaged at that young age can be called lucky or extremely stupid. But Kurt is now back together with the boy he always wanted. What more can you wish for?

_Countless nights, awake and empty_

_How we always fell asleep_

_Take in my dreams, come help me_

_I need your love indeed_

Whether Brittany will give them a second chance is something she doesn't know. When they spoke on the phone everything was so unclear. That was two days ago and it had been so good to hear that voice again… hopefully it will only take another couple minutes until she can hear her voice and also see her face again.

She would have picked Brittany up at the airport but Brittany's uncle who lives here in New York, too went to get her. Brittany just asked Santana where she wanted them to meet and so she suggested a park near her apartment complex.

Whether Brittany will want to spend the night at a hotel?

_Time will tell_

_I once thought_

_Without your presence I was never well_

_Slowly drums my heart_

It's New Years after all. That does mean something, right? Brittany was ready to meet her here tonight. She won't be home to celebrate with family and friends but she'll be here with Santana at midnight. Well, only if she won't leave before Santana can tell her how much she wants to make things up to her. Brittany deserves the world…

Because how lonely would tonight have been? She probably would have called Kurt to see where he was and if she could join him and Blaine at Times Square since is Blaine is here, too over the holiday. Or she could call Rachel… the girl is actually pretty cool and ever since Santana came here to New York she's been more than happy to see known faces.

Everything is so big and new… nothing compared to Louisville. But she'll never regret quitting her studies to come here and give her dreams a chance. The money she makes at the coffee shop is enough to pay for her room in the apartment that two of Kurt's gay friends own. Luke and Gary are such a cute couple and they have been more than generous to Santana and helped making her feel at home.

Still she misses things and it makes her feel so endlessly lonely.

_How silly of me to assume_

_That we weren't meant to last_

_My heart rate suddenly fast_

_All alone in an empty room_

She just hopes that they will know what to talk about. They used to always know what to talk about and even if there were sometimes silent moments, she enjoyed them more than anything. Just lying on the bed face to face with their fingers entwined in the middle and gazing at each other so much in love.

She's still so much in love…

She knows just _how_ much when she looks up from the poem in her hands and sees _her_ walking over.

_Do you know that your smile_

_Has the effect of a sun_

_And every once in a while_

_I remember all the things we've done_

"Hi" is Brittany's first word and Santana thinks it's the cutest word ever. She gets up from the bench to greet her and when slender arms wrap around her neck, she feels home.

The snow and coldness make Brittany's cheeks and tip of the nose look pink. She looks as healthy as ever. Happy even. If she ever fell asleep with the pillow wet from tears, too?

Well… she hasn't been able to fall asleep at all she said.

"I'm so glad you came. It's New Years Eve and I'm sure you had plans and all and I feel kind of bad for asking you to come-"

"But I wanted to."

It's as simple as that.

She wanted to come.

_My lover, can't you see_

_Of course we were meant to be_

_Too proud, scared and sometimes too young_

_But you and I, we've been all along_

"How have you been?" Brittany asks when they break apart and a distance forms between their bodies.

Santana thinks for a while. She could say good or okay or busy.

"Honestly?" The blonde nods hesitantly while putting her hands back into the pockets of her fluffy jacket. Her woolen hat looks so good on her and also the boots she's wearing are new.

Santana likes her new clothes and how they make Brittany look different and still the same. How much do you grow up in four months? Because Brittany has never looked more mature. Maybe it's the missing cheerio uniform and backpack and the fancy bag hanging on her shoulder instead.

Brittany will always blow her away.

"Lonely" She adds after gazing into Brittany's face for way too long.

She's been nothing but lonely without Brittany…

_Hand in hand, so right_

_You and me_

_The luckiest girl I'd be_

_If you forgave me tonight_

"Do you want to… shall we walk a few steps?" Brittany asks with a soft smile on her face. "I just can't get enough of snowy New York."

Santana is thankful because she's already running out of words to say. She wants to do everything right, now that Brittany is here and what if she says the wrong thing? Maybe Brittany thinks she's being pathetic for saying that she's lonely.

It's not Brittany's fault that she's lonely. Hopefully it didn't come out as an accusation.

Walking is easy. Nothing can go wrong.

Except that Brittany stumbles over a snow-covered branch and reaches out for Santana's wrist.

She shoots an apologetic look when she stands safely again.

Santana wishes there were ten more hidden branches in this park.

"Me, too you know?" Brittany says after a while.

Santana wonders if she missed something. Does Brittany want there to be more branches that will cause her to stumble and grab Santana's hand, too?

"Lima is not the same without you."

Oh… although it's nothing to feel good about, Santana really hopes it means that Brittany is lonely, too without her.

* * *

It's two hours later when they're sitting in a café, sipping hot chocolate. Brittany has taken off her hat and scarf which causes her long blonde hair to fall around her shoulders.

They have talked about Kurt and Rachel, Santana's first unsuccessful audition for a play and her job at the coffee shop. They talked about the gay couple she lives with and the cat that lives there, too which reminds Santana of Brittany's Lord.

They talked about the new members of the Glee club and Sue's little baby. How Santana got asked out by a girl but declined and how Brittany said no when Sam tried to kiss her one afternoon while doing homework together.

"So you guys never… dated?" Santana asked. She had been so sure after she saw them at the Christmas market and after Blaine tried to warn her over the phone.

"I could never…" Brittany replied while looking deep into Santana's eyes.

When the waitress brings the check, Santana takes care of it before Brittany can even reach for her purse.

"Thank you" She breathes and Santana melts.

It's because of the warm hand on her thigh and the slight tremble of Brittany's lips.

It's not even cold in here…

* * *

Santana's teeth are clattering when they're standing next to each other at Times Square with so many people surrounding them. She always wanted to celebrate the turn of year here.

With Brittany.

And to kiss her at midnight.

In front of everybody.

After their hot chocolate they went back to Santana's apartment where Brittany could drop her bag and got introduced to Santana's roommates.

"We'll stay the night at my brother's house. He's throwing this gigantic party on the rooftop of his house. Just so you know." Luke had said with a wink of the eye when Brittany and Santana were about to leave for Times Square.

Brittany's eyes met hers for a split second.

Maybe she imagined it.

"I know things are different and that I have no right to want what I want…" Santana says when 2013 is only two minutes away. "But Brittany I don't know what to do anymore."

Blue eyes flicker when Brittany gets pushed by a person standing right behind her, causing her to stand even closer to Santana.

"This afternoon has been the best one ever since I came here. That's not what it's supposed to be like… I always wanted to come here and make my dreams come true but… they're not dreams anymore when I know that you're not my girlfriend."

Finally… she manages to say something specific.

"I'd give anything for you to take me back." Brittany just watches her wordlessly and Santana fears that she has gone too far. "Now you know it… I just… wanted you to know the truth."

"Okay" Brittany says eventually and it catches Santana off guard.

She expected everything but an ok.

She thought that Brittany might shake her head and tell Santana that things were over between them. Or that she'd give her an apologetic look and explain that Santana was too late and that she simply wanted to be friends. She even thought that maybe… just maybe… Brittany would close that difference between their bodies to take her in for a hug and whisper into her ear how much she had missed Santana and that she wanted her back, too.

But she didn't think Brittany would say 'okay' and then look away. Her eyes are now glued to the giant clock above their heads where the countdown is becoming less and less.

Twenty…

Is she really too late? Maybe Brittany just agreed to come here so they could rekindle their friendship.

Thirteen…

Maybe she had made it up in her head. Maybe Brittany hadn't thrown those glances at her while sitting in the café. Those glances that made her heart melt.

Eight…

But she's still thankful.

Brittany's friendship would mean that she's back in her life. To call Brittany her friend is more than she can ask for. They have been friends for over a decade after all.

She could handle them being friends. It's not what she wants but a friendship is actually amazing.

Four…

Three…

Except that it's not.

She wants Brittany. But not as a friend.

Hands on her shoulders make her turn to the side. Pink lips are trembling when they are only two inches away from her own and Brittany's hands wander up to Santana's face.

She doesn't even hear the loud noises or the happy laughter and the firework. All she can hear is her heart hammering inside her chest. All she can feel are the hot lips on her mouth.

She's so fast at wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist, it makes her want to laugh. But she can't laugh.

She just wants to kiss.

Four months is a long time to stay away from Brittany's kisses.

And so she holds her close in her arms and kisses her deeply. The new year is starting how she always wanted it and she never wants to start a year any other way in the future.

Brittany gasps softly when they break the kiss to get oxygen. She lets her forehead rest against Santana's, her eyes still closed.

"I think…" She mumbles a bit out of breath, her hands still cupping Santana's cheeks. "I think we both know that I came here for the same reason as you wanted me to come. You want me to take you back and I want you to come back… we both want it, Santana. We…"

She opens her eyes and swallows. Santana watches every move with so much hope filling in her chest.

"We both want it." Brittany repeats with a slight nod.

"What about the distance?" Santana dares to ask. If they both truly want it that much then Brittany will know an answer.

The blonde shrugs softly, her lips ghosting over Santana's again.

"You're silly, you know?" Brittany whispers while pressing butterfly kisses to her lips. "So silly…"

Santana wonders why Brittany thinks she's that silly but she honestly doesn't care as long as the kisses won't stop.

"Don't you know that I'll follow you as soon as I can? It's not a matter of distance but of time. And time will only make me love you more."

Suddenly it sounds so simple in Santana's head.

Maybe it isn't going to be that simple. Probably things are going to still be difficult.

But time will only make them grow stronger. How did she never look at it that way?

"I wish I was as smart as you, Britt." She whispers and has never meant anything more.

"Come here" Is all Brittany says before bringing their lips back together once more.

They get pushed around a bit because so many people are standing there, celebrating the beginning of the new year.

A year that can only go well.

* * *

_With the night sky black and the tears dried_

_The words unspoken and the hearts broken_

_I think back to that one night_

_Where you and I said goodbye_

_Cold air in my lungs, smoke in my breath_

_Not one word did I say, just the ache in my chest_

_All I could have done to make you mine_

_To see the laugh, make your face shine_

_Take me home, dancer_

_Take my heart_

_It can never survive another romance_

_Only yours, my heart is yours_

_Nothing, not a single thing_

_That I wouldn't risk_

_I'd steal your heart away from him_

_My heart racing, a trembling fist_

_Tired laughs, my fake enthusiasm_

_It was never meant to end this way_

_You are the one_

_Your dance, your move, your rhythm_

_Cloudy days and you light them up_

_How could I ever stop?_

_The moon, the stars you are for me_

_I love you and I hope you'll see_

_Countless nights, awake and empty_

_How we always fell asleep_

_Take in my dreams, come help me_

_I need your love indeed_

_Time will tell_

_I once thought_

_Without your presence I was never well_

_Slowly drums my heart_

_Do you know that your smile_

_Has the effect of a sun_

_And every once in a while_

_I remember all the things we've done_

_How silly of me to assume_

_That we weren't meant to last_

_My heart rate suddenly fast_

_All alone in an empty room_

_My lover, can't you see_

_Of course we were meant to be_

_Too proud, scared and sometimes too young_

_But you and I, we've been all along_

_Hand in hand, so right_

_You and me_

_The luckiest girl I'd be_

_If you forgave me tonight_

* * *

**I hope you liked it and made some of you smile :)**

**Leave a comment?**


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